You’re working too hard. You don’t like your boss. Your feet hurt. You’re tired. And you have to wake up too early tomorrow morning to start it all over again.

You’re due for a vacation, you decide. An extravagant, complicated vacation. The hotels are expensive, the flights are invasive, and you can’t find that storage box of summer-appropriate clothing.

Perhaps a vacation isn’t the right solution for you. What you need is something inexpensive, sensual and consensual, and clothing-optional. If this sounds like your style, then let me introduce you to your tour guide, Sophia St. James. Lay back and let her directorial debut take you on a Twisted Getaway you won’t forget!

But what exactly does one do on a Twisted Getaway? And how do you go about arranging one?

Therein lies the minimal plot: The film opens with Chance McKinsey’s entrance into a lodge with a colourful ENTER AT YOUR OWN LEISURE sign taped to the door. We learn that he was led there by an irresistible online ad for a “Bed & Bondage Slumber Party.” (This was a very well marketed slumber party; Marxxx found out about it on the wall of a men’s bathroom stall.)

The crew splits up and goes exploring. The viewers (and a secret voyeur) follow Sophia St. James and Dahlia X into the most amazing sex-tree of all time. I wouldn’t be surprised if the location scouting of this  tree inspired the entire production, because it is both beautiful and truly accommodating to those who sit and/or fuck in it.

Meanwhile, Marxxx and Maya Mayhem explore inside the house, settling on a large, lavish room with chains dangling from the ceiling. (Who wouldn’t?) Mid-wrestle, Marxxx spots the purpose of the chains: a half-assembled sling hanging a few feet away. Cut to Maya Mayhem nude on the now-suspended sling with a Hitachi in the front and a Marxxx in the back! These first few scenes move quickly (less than ten minutes each), but they serve nicely as sexual character development before the full group gathers again.

Dinner is served, pyjamas are donned, and the gang returns to the room with the sling (no longer dangling, but a rack of chains and ropes is still present) for the real slumber party. A game of Dare is played, which they called Truth or Dare, but, as in most porn, Truth is rarely a selected option. This game is not for the cute and mildly curious: the Dares involve cock pumps, ice in sensitive orifices, and double-ended dildos. The game format is quickly dismissed, and all six partygoers entangle themselves in a series of impressive arrangements of sexual cooperation, leaving no man/woman/other non-participatory.

The party seems to wind down, but the house remains restless. Marxxx and Sophia St. James play with knives in the kitchen (though Marxxx’s weapon of choice is far too elaborate to be a kitchen knife), while Libby introduces Maya Mayhem to her extensive collection of things that go thud!, whack!, and other exciting sounds of impact & sensation play.

What would a slumber party be without a NO BOYS ALLOWED! sign written in cursive? The girls try to spend a little bonding time together, but Marxxx and Chance McKinsey quickly ambush them, explaining “It doesn’t say no men allowed!” But the girls will have none of it: the boys get tied together and left to their own devices as the girls relocate. (Sophia St. James apparently forgot that Marxxx does, in fact, have useful devices.)

The boys find the girls back in the giant bondage sex room, and offer an empty bottle as a peace offering. Like Truth or Dare, Spin The Bottle is played a bit differently in porn, and the game consists of Chance McKinsey sucking Marxxx’s cock under a sheet of plastic wrap. (Safer sex: a good model for meeting strangers for a sex party in the woods!)

Libby proposes that the party moves to the hot tub, and Marxxx joins her there. After about a minute of just the two of them, the rest of the crew creeps into frame and joins in, surrounding Libby on all sides! The hot tub is followed by a massive shower that fits all six of them. Again, huge kudos to the location scouting.

You know those times when you have sex with someone, and then you shower together to clean yourselves off, and then you get out of the shower and find that you’re both still naked and hot, and the vicious cycle continues? This exact situation keeps Marxxx and Chance McKinsey up a little longer. This, in turn, keeps Sophia St. James and Libby going when they walk in on the boys. Quick dissolve, and Maya Mayhem has appeared between Marxxx’s legs! Dahlia X completes the climactic orgy with a similar cross-dissolve appearance, resulting in an exceptionally visually stimulating bedroom with six ecstatic people now reflected in a well-placed mirror. (Fans of Doing It Ourselves: The Transwomen Porn Project might recognize the camera work: this film was shot by Tobi Hill-Meyer herself!) The final cries are screamed, and the film closes on a massive fuck-drunk cuddle pile.

“This was a fucking amazing motherfucking weekend.”

I am a big fan of the way Sophia St. James directed this piece. The scenes seemed to be scripted as an improvised comedy scene would be: This is why you’re here, this is what needs to happen while you’re here, now design your own way of accomplishing that! The dialogue felt natural and playful, as did the sex.

The one thing that you can’t help but think consistently throughout the entire film is why the hell you are watching a Twisted Getaway and not having one yourself. While you may not be able to round up Sophia St. James, Chance McKinsey, Dahlia X, Libby, Maya Mayhem and Marxxx for your trip, their delightfully scandalous romp should be taken as inspiration to round up your own gang of queers to go play in the woods for a weekend!

Want to watch this sexy Getaway yourself?  SSJ Entertainment (Sophia St. James’ brand new porn company) has just teamed up with Boulevard Distribution to release Twisted Getaway on March 15! Mark your calendars, ’cause that’s only a week from today!

Find out more information about Twisted Getaway and Sophia St. James’ company on the official SSJ Entertainment website!